Committed in College: A conversation with my partner
The Committed in College series started in 2015 as a response to conversations that frequently circulate on Twitter around back millennials and their 'lack' of commitment when it comes to dating. I'm well aware that dating norms have changed over the year but I do not agree with that idea that black millennials are single because we don't want to commit or that commitment is an outdated quality.
In December of 2015, I shared my relationship story on the blog. Now it is my partners turn to share his perspective on love, commitment, and personal growth. He was reluctant to type up a blog post so I asked him a series of questions rather than him completely taking the reins and writing a guest post.
I started out asked my partner his perspective of how we first met, it was funny to hear how differently we recall our initial introduction to each other.
"I first met her on Twitter, an 'RU16 follow chain'. Then I saw her around campus and drunk on the bus....and after that we became friends. We sat together in psychology after the first week of classes too. We've been together... (he pauses because he doesn't know off the top of his head)... since 2013".
I then asked my partner what was his definition of commitment is.
He responded with "committed is support." "Support of individual goals"...he then turns the question to me and asked 'how do you define commitment?" I said say consistent trust, he then chimes in and says “oh yeah, love too”.
So as a collective we ended up defining commitment as support with consistent trust and love.
As our conversation went on we began talking about the intersection of individual goals and goals as a unit, something that I believe is a very important component of being in a committed relationship at this phase of life.
My partner said, "Our relationship has caused me to stay focused, especially when it came to our time in college. In terms of my personal career, I want more for myself so that I can provide more for you."
Even though what my partner said want revolutionary I feel like it is an important state of mind to have while dating at the early stages of adulthood. We're both at the beginning stages of our careers, but in order to stay committed to one another, we have to stay committed to out individual goals.
When asked how our relationship has impacted my partner's individual growth he responded, I grew up, I'm more mature. I feel as though I'm growing while you grow, it's impacted how I see life and what I want for myself.
During the conversation, my partner said that he's attracted to my passion and drive the most. if I were to lose my drive to accomplish my goals while trying to maintain our relationship I would lose the very characteristics that he was attracted to in the first place. This is a testament to the fact that you should not have to compromise your individual goals and desires in order to keep your relationship.
I ended the conversation asking one final question - Any advice to those looking to find love while still navigating college? He responded,
Don’t go chasing for it. If you don’t fall in love in college don’t be bummed out. The person will come later on... but if you do find love in college appreciate it, be glad you have the support and motivation from your significant other.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed having the conversation with my partner.
with love, Breanna